B I G M O O D

It may look like I'm doing nothing with my time—
like I'm waiting for these collapsing days to catch up

to me—but don't you realize that I'm building my brand?
What do I have besides my online presence? Certainly

not my body. If I ever get sick I'll have to really hype
my GoFundMe because I don't have health insurance.

So rise n' grind motherfucker. Modem tones sound
like love songs from a speaker hung inside my skull.

I'm light-headed. I'm on the clouds. I'm trying to kill
every one of my idols before they inevitably let me down.

If I was famous, I would spend my life more nervous
at the gas pump than I already am. But the paparazzi

are not interested in how I might slide a wedge between
being and nonbeing. So fuck it. I'll make this my poem

for the end of the world. O Paparazzi, where will you be
then? In the dark? After the gasoline's gone. After

the money's gone. Soon, I'll be pacing anxiously around
a waiting room as the void grows ever larger. This is not

how it's supposed to go. I just want to watch old skateboard
videos buffer over dial-up, see reality burst into itself

like paper fortune tellers, finally pop a perfect kickflip
down the biggest set of stairs you have ever seen.

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Nicholas Bon lives in Tallahassee. They are the author of My Circus Mouth (Ghost City Press, 2018) and the editor of Epigraph Magazine. They tweet @1000000horses.