Heart for Sale
The following note accompanied the submission:
"Id like to issue a TW for allusions to ableism & sexual assault"
"Id like to issue a TW for allusions to ableism & sexual assault"
i don’t need it, anymore. take it.
i’m too retarded but the “smart” kind
so everybody already hates me,
anyway. me & [insert name] aren’t
talking anymore. no, i don’t wanna
talk about it. but the heart’s still
good, i promise. it beats & it loves,
but you’re gonna have to blow some
air into it, maybe polish it up—what’s
it been through? you say. well, check
the heartfax. see—first, i’m a nigger.
so that’s about $10,000 worth of
general wear-and-tear & then, there’s
this pesky pussy connected, &, well,
see, that got broken into a couple times
so the wiring’s all crossed, & it’s probably
worth about two white men’s college tuitions.
the pussy throbs harder than the heart pretty
often & the blood goes to war all the time to see
who gets to sleep first, because one has to stay
awake & keep watch, but then also, this heart’s
got one of those trust motors that’s always in
overdrive so it sings to every one & as much
as folx love to dance, they stop swaying
when the lyrics come across. when the pain
just pops everyone’s eardrums & they swear, they
swear they understand where you’re coming from,
but they just want you to put that good shit back on.
you know, the emotions, they’re all over the place like
one of those picasso paintings you gotta look at & know
he was homeless & heartbroken to see clearly.
but this heart ain’t broken, it’s actually kinda pretty
when you fill it with drugs, it’s just not for me,
you know? i don’t know what to do with it inside me
but die.
i’m too retarded but the “smart” kind
so everybody already hates me,
anyway. me & [insert name] aren’t
talking anymore. no, i don’t wanna
talk about it. but the heart’s still
good, i promise. it beats & it loves,
but you’re gonna have to blow some
air into it, maybe polish it up—what’s
it been through? you say. well, check
the heartfax. see—first, i’m a nigger.
so that’s about $10,000 worth of
general wear-and-tear & then, there’s
this pesky pussy connected, &, well,
see, that got broken into a couple times
so the wiring’s all crossed, & it’s probably
worth about two white men’s college tuitions.
the pussy throbs harder than the heart pretty
often & the blood goes to war all the time to see
who gets to sleep first, because one has to stay
awake & keep watch, but then also, this heart’s
got one of those trust motors that’s always in
overdrive so it sings to every one & as much
as folx love to dance, they stop swaying
when the lyrics come across. when the pain
just pops everyone’s eardrums & they swear, they
swear they understand where you’re coming from,
but they just want you to put that good shit back on.
you know, the emotions, they’re all over the place like
one of those picasso paintings you gotta look at & know
he was homeless & heartbroken to see clearly.
but this heart ain’t broken, it’s actually kinda pretty
when you fill it with drugs, it’s just not for me,
you know? i don’t know what to do with it inside me
but die.
Khalypso is a Sacramento-based actor and poet. They are fat, black, neurodivergent, queer, and an agender badass.